Are You Preparing for a Wedding or Marriage?

Most people are doing the former, putting more effort into preparing their Facebook page for their wedding photos and their footballer husband or trophy wife so the world can see how great they did. Let alone getting the invites ready for 400 guests… 398 of which they’ve never met.

So in the end what are you doing when it comes to preparing for a real Christian and godly marriage? Preparing for a fantastic wedding, or preparing your heart and mind for being a great husband or wife. Yep – contrary to what the world teaches us (and as people used to know back in the day – even non-Christians) it’s not what you can GET from the marriage – it’s what you can GIVE to your partner and your marriage! With that you-first mindset you can’t fail. Jesus proved it!

Do You Want to Be a Cartier or A Primark Woman?

Ladies; all men want sex – Christian or otherwise it makes no difference. Don’t give it to them until you are married (to a believer). Imagine this I heard from a preacher the other day and I thought was brilliant; When you go to Primark, the goods are all over the place. When you go to Cartier – the goods are under lock and key! Women – choose this day what you want to be; a Primark or Cartier woman. Don’t expect perfection but you are quite at liberty to wait till the men step up the their responsibilities and do what is necessary to become a great husband. Encouragement is key for men.

Footnote; men – this applies to YOU too!

The Creature With Two Heads

No I’m not talking about some dreadful date you went on, I’m talking about the marriage where there are two people in charge – it will fail. It’s the same with a business, a school, or any team and a marriage is a team where the ‘two become ONE flesh’. And this is why God insists one person must be in charge (in all the right ways and not world’s ways). But why does God appoint the man head? Well apart from the obvious – that he is physically stringer (in most cases:) someone has to lead.

A creature with two heads is a freak

So what does this mean for men? Does it mean he has a ticket to lord it over his woman, or a ticket to bully the woman to accept his stupid ideas – nope – hopefully when that happens she will resist until he sees sense. But ultimately he needs to become a man and step up to the plate to take on the extra responsibilities that leadership takes. Ultimately deep down most women want a leader – it’s a natural response. There are always exceptions, where circumstances mean roles are reversed in some areas for a season – that’s life.

So summary;

men
Step up to the plate and find out by looking at Christ what a man is. Be responsible, work and look after your family unto death! Be open to correction from your wife who often will have spiritual eyes where you have blind spots. Be aware being the head means you have to be prepared to give your life for her and your kids.

Women
Allow your man to lead and don’t be afraid to let him know (in a kind way) when he may be going off the track. Don’t let him bully you and always praise him when he does well and right. Don’t exasperate him when he messes up but encourage him.

The Best Dating Advice

Well this video is not quite dating advice, and it’s not coming from a Christian perspective -though it does have many Christian principles involved such as being patient and kind to your other half rather than impatient and impulsive and using damaging and uncaring language. It illustrates just how hard it is to change someone’s behaviour – let alone your own for the better. But there is a way to encourage others to be nicer and more caring towards you, and for you to be more caring towards others!

It’s more long term relationship advice for people already in a relationship and want to keep it going and strengthen it. It discuses the basic things people do wrong, not being patient, not rewarding someone when they do something right (not in a mercenary kind of way), being too critical at the wrong times and essentially getting all the wrong responses because you are using all the wrong methods and means and have all the wrong expectations etc etc! Anyway I hope is as enlightening for you as it was me.

How Do I Know What Someone is Really Like?

How can we get an insight into someone’s REAL character and personality?

The Bible has many interesting pieces of advice and one regarding the character of people is this;

“A man that has friends shows himself to be friendly.”

On first reading one might say; “duh.. a person who is friendly has lots of friends!” but actually as usual with The Bible it’s meaning is a little deeper and very useful. Consider it from the opposite angle; it’s really saying; any man that has lots of friends (and equally you could substitute; that is of good character) is more likely to be friendly (and of good character).

In other words, by getting to know the friends of someone you will get to know what the person in question is like. Lets face it, how many characters who are unsavoury have many friends of good character and vice versa?

So if you want to know about someone – get to know their friends, get to know the people they wish to associate with – not necessarily their family since this may tell you something about inherited characteristics and family are not friends by choice.

Another good way to assess someone when dating especially is to visit a person’s church and meet their church friends – another great indicator and insight into someone will be found here.

The French Word For ‘Singles’ is Célibataires!

On a cursory look this morning at the french term for ‘Christian singles’ I found it translates to; Célibataires chrétiens. This should be very interesting to most Christians, as it appears that the french word for ‘single‘ appears to be our english equivalent word for ‘celibate’ if I’m not mistaken.

Call me old fashioned but even the liberal – anything goes french seem to have once seen a ‘single’ person clearly as someone that did not only not have have a partner – but it’s greater meaning was someone who had no physical intimacey with the opposite sex. What does this tell us about how times have changed!

This reminds me of the fact that in over 100 languages around the world – unknown to most Christians or english Sunday ‘sabbath’ keepers, that the word for Sabbath is actually and literally the word for Saturday (yes – even now in 2017!)

It’s incredibly interesting that often times words themselves hold the key to what life was like in the past and how we used to live. Words – and changing their meanings, also appears to be our enemy’s greatest means to decieve people – to take a word (or thing) and change or literally hijak it’s history, meaning or appearance.

We have hundreds of examples; one might be that the rainbow used to be a symbol of God’s wrath on a decadent society, and another of course would be The Devil himself – once feared by believers and even non-believers alike – but nowdays is consigned along with the Bible and Jesus resurrection to ‘myth’ status and cartoonised as a little man in red pants and a pitch fork. So wherever possible we need to keep hold of our words and treasure their original meanings.

Should a Christian Marry a Non-Christian?

I used to wonder what the big deal was with Christians at least dating non-Christians – I mean what’s the harm? This assumes that the Bible’s warning about doing this is really nothing to take that seriously.

But why so serious in the first place, when it comes to staying within the bounds of people that love God and His son Jesus? Well from my experience the problem is just that – that people that have no knowledge of God, or no desire to love God, the latter at least want to live the gospel according to themselves.

That’s fine when they are dating and marrying people similar to themselves in that area as people who share similar views van often form string bonds and relationships, but when a Christian has managed to extricate them-self from the world – which is not unlike being stuck in treacle in my view, and then want to try their hand at converting a non-Christian to their way of thinking who is not playing on the same playing field, or set of rules, you are going into a battle that you are extremely likely to lose – since they have gravity on their side.

The unfortunate reality is, just as with gravity, that it’s far easier to pull someone down to your level, than it is to pull someone up to your level, and so you run a risk to your soul when you yolk yourself with folks who’s wold view is often diametrically opposite to yours. As far as they are concerned if they become a Christian – nothing lost. But if you lose your faith as I have often seen in unequally yolked relationships, well – too much t has been lost that sometimes cannot be easily retrieved without a huge upheaval and mess that for some is too much. And so the result can be years of heartache on both sides.

‘Unequally yolked’ does not mean one person is better than another – but that one person’s belief and desires are not the same as another’s – they are unequal and in this case like oil and water do not mix

In fact the latter is actually impossible unless the person wants to be pulled up. So take your chances if you want, but the warning is there in The Bible as you may lose your soul – not because the other person is some evil being (all have sinned and fallen short) but because is easier for them to carry on being worldly and suck you back into it, and bring you back down – than it is for you to be godly and bring them up. And the main reason it can become a real problem?.. is the draw and temptation that sex has to yolk you to the wrong person. This is what God places this severe warning on this man/woman relationships and less so on friendships – though a similar warning is given even about those you spend much time with – and the fact that for good or bad – it will have an affect on you.

But that’s just my opinion, so to end if you are thinking about dating and hopefully changing the mind of that ‘wonderful’ person you have met who says all the right things and surely would want to know God then think again. I own and run a free Christian dating service – precisely to help Christians yolk with believers. Here is what one member just wrote in their profile – something that I have heard echoed over and over in 25 years of being a Christian and 17 years of running my singles service for Christians.

Describe the kind of person you would like to meet on Fusion101 Christian Singles?

“I’m looking for someone Christian. Learned the hard way that being unequally yoked is a horrible idea.”

Are Ladies on Dating Sites Contacting Me From Abroad 10-15 years Younger Than Me Scammers Looking for a Passport?

Hi Edward
Thanks for all the help you’ve been to me in helping me hook back into fusion again and for the time you sacrifice to everyone on here to make there viewing enjoyable and possible.
I have one question though and then you shall be rid of me in a positive way.
I hope you don’t mind me asking but I get quite a few young ladies from the Philippines contacting me and some are 10 or 15 years younger than myself. You probably know what I’m going to say next…. are they scammers or are they for real and are they really serious about a relationship or do they just want a way out of their country. I want to know how to know if young women abroad are dating scammers.
Please forgive me for my ignorance and naivety but I have been in contact with a younger Philippine lass on here who I quite like and who I would like to take to the next level of friendship but I’m terrified that it is a scammer and I will be wasting my time and get hurt from it. Please could you shed some light on here about this situation if knowing anything that could make me feel a little easy about the situation. 
I feel bad having to ask this question in the first place, so would now value your vast wisdom and knowledge on the situation please?
Many thanks again for your dedication on here and may God bless you for giving up your valuable time to me and many others.
Your friend in Christ Jesus.
Hi there…
I wrote this very quickly so sorry if it rambles or for bad spelling!..
there are a mix or reasons why people will contact those abroad. Some reasons will be less that noble but some can often be perfectly good, and I have seen marriages on both sides. Ascertaining their motives can be tricky but much less so when there is a large age gap. Many Asian ladies have a very romantic idea about marrying a western man – not a bad thing in itself – and the relationships work out. But some don’t. For some its for love and a family but for others its a passport. Lets be blunt this happens and we see it in the papers all the time.
I would make sure you let your friends and family meet the person and advise you – often people besotted with beauty put the blinkers on and get taken for a ride – whereas it was obvious to outsiders all along. This happened to my brother recently with a girl he met on a non Christian site. She was 15 years younger, half British / Malaysian and he spent a fortune on holidays / houses for her – all for nothing. Unsurprisingly she was v attractive and when the time came she had enough of what she wanted and he was of no more use the relationship disintegrated.
If someone was contact me and they were a lot younger – anything over 10 years then alarm bells would go for me. In that case it is possible that they are in fact looking for a better life or at least a life in the west (unknown to many of them they are probably better off where they are than to take on western values). And this can be tough for the guy when they decide they’ve had enough of a relationship and achieved their goal. These are not things I have heard about from fusion members – I have never had such a story but I reckon its possible.
I have heard horror stories (not on fusion101 free Christian singles) of guys flying out to Philippines or other places in Asia – building houses and then the female ends up with legal control of it since foreigners cannot build houses I am told – and then obviously the next thing is a divorce.
If I were you I would not pursue anyone there unless I was similar age give or take – and I had met the family and knew them well – been to their church met their pastors and friends etc. Also I do not believe in pre-nuptuals but since there are so many people in the world actively scamming others I think this is the one instance (foreign dating) where they are so far away – not understanding the language/culture etc – where I would sacrifice a little romance and make it clear that if you marry me you get nothing financially (as nicely as possible). How feasible that is I don’t know. In fact I would not give them any idea of my financial position – what I own etc (my brother vowed to do this next time).
Its very tempting for an affluent man to act like a peacock with foreign ladies but in the end it attracts the wrong kind of person.
Thats my take for now. You can run anyone past me if you like for a second opinion.Sorry I can’t give you a definitive answer as many people from Asia on fusion I know are genuine Christians.

Thanks
Edward

Here is my detailed version of how to spot dating scammers. Here is a dating site for Christians that has very few scammers

This page is about how to spot dating scammers from abroad on international dating sites looking for passports, money or ways to get into your country. Different ways to know if you are being scammed by young beautiful ladies and girls on foreign dating and introduction services.

What Kind of Man Should I Marry?

Men have always had a weakness for looks when it comes to dating and finding a women to marry, and often if that is their weakness, end up choosing someone based on little else. Frankly when a man is confronted by great beauty – his senses and reasoning go to pot! Let alone the ability to distinguish between someone that really loves them – or someone that is with them for other motives or reasons. It’s just the way of the world, and mentioned many times in the Bible as being a man’s great weakness.

Equally, women often have similar troubles, but in a slightly different way; sometimes, when confronted with affluence and success in a man, they have the same mental reasoning block and in a subconscious effort to find and create a stable environment for their children, they will choose the man that can offer them financial stability over one that might actually be better for both then and their children in terms of their spiritual welfare.

Not only can money be an aphrodisiac for men and women, like beauty, though neither are bad in themselves, both can lead to all sorts of bad judgements if the person involved has not resolutely made up their mind beforehand to always go for the most Godly options placed before them and consult him in the process and give up their own notions of what’s right for them (often God has something totally different, more suited and better for believers).

The truth is, in a world where we are all told we are owed and should have and are entitled to everything – it can be almost impossible to see the wood for the trees for men and women when it comes to choosing the spouse that God would have them marry.

Well, along these lines, I just came across a short letter that a mother wrote to her daughter and thought that both men and women in church might benefit from reading it. Here it is;

“My mother once said to me; there are two kinds of men you’ll meet. The first will give you the life you want and the second will give you the love you desire. If you’re one of the lucky few, you will find both in the one person. But if you ever find yourself having to choose between the two, then always choose love.”

Christian Dating Without Scammers?

The number of people that are getting scammed these days is as many as in the early days of the Internet, and the reason is that the scammers have become more sophisticated in their attempts to steal money and other goods from unsuspecting and trusting singles online who are simply looking for love.

So what are the chances of finding a Christian dating site without scammers?.. when it would appear that if anyone, it’s Christians that are often first targeted by these dreadful people, since Christians have a natural desire to want to trust others. But what is probably more likely responsible for this targeting of single Christians on Internet dating services, is that eligible single Christians are few and far between even in church – I mean real believers – not ‘Sunday Christians’ – and the scammers know this. They know that a Christian looking for love does not have the world as his or her oyster and is far more likely to ‘bite’ on any bait they use to catch an unsuspecting Internet dater.

Which dating sites are safe?

So what can Christians do to avoid this? Rule number one; NEVER use free dating sites – unless it’s www.fusion101.com‘s free Christian dating site, and the reason we can endorse this service is from real reports from real members who specifically single this site out as being 99% scammer free. The reason they can do this when other free sites can’t?.. because the owner actually cares enough to spend 80% of his time checking and re-checking the profiles that the site contains are real, and by responding straight away to any reports of suspect activity. Because of this diligence the site has built up a database of clean profiles and does not try to profit from the extra activity and revenue that in fact scammers can generate by messaging and interacting with other members.

Tips on avoiding being scammed on dating sites

Here is a great article giving you many many ways to spot and avoid Internet dating scammers; 101 Tips on How to Avoid Internet Dating & Romance Scammers